FM-PMS

[akk]

Sometimes when writing a fic you have a scene for a late chapter, written almost at the beginning. You grew fond of that scene, played with it, endorse, giggled, whatever about it. And when you finally come to the chapter it is intended for, you realize that the minuscule changes from the original plan accumulated over the last 16+5 chapters and the mood no longer fits. Sometimes, you can salvage the scene, sometimes not. Sadly, "Hotaru's caterpillars" are a case of the latter. It was deleted this morning. At least the rest reads better now.


"You seem not very welcome in your own kitchen," Seishiro commented the surprised looks they got from the passing servants.

"They probably wonder why we're here. This is where students failing in their tasks are served reduced dishes as punishments."

"Given their surprise, you didn't have to eat often here."

"Once. In Hotaru's caterpillar spell." The door beside them opened and Rumiko appeared with a tray with simple breakfast and a white china coffee cup.

"Hotaru's?" Seishiro raised a doubtful brow at him, while Rumiko sat the tray onto the small table between them.

"I lost my concentration." Subaru retorted, giving him a dark look. "Hokuto-chan dropped a caterpillar down my shikifuku."

Seishiro laughed out loud, startling the servant who set a white china cup down on the table before him.

"Don't laugh!" Subaru protested. "It *squiggled*."

"It sure would," Seishiro agreed. "I certainly would squiggle, too, if I were dropped down your clothes... though probably for a different reason," he added with a wicked smirk.

"Don't you start!" Subaru warned, nodding towards the servant, who bowed and went back to her kitchen work.

"You know," Seishiro said thoughtfully, stirring sugar into his coffee. "I had two theories regarding Hotaru's caterpillar spell in my youth. First, that it doesn't work and Hotaru knew it. So he wrapped it into a hundred-and-twenty pages of the most boring Japanese prose I've ever encountered -- and that includes the Genji Monogatari in high school," he added, giving Subaru a long, suffering glance. "So that by the time, anybody can attempt the first, most simplified version of the spell every plant infested with caterpillars would be gone and nobody noticed his goof-up." Seishiro raised a second finger, appearing as if he gave the Victory-sign instead. "The second theory is, that it was never tested in the first place."

"Why not?"

"Because you have to endure said 120 pages of the most boring Japanese prose for it, of course." Seishiro snorted. "Collecting the caterpillars manually off the plant is a lot faster and the real test is whether or not you think of doing it!"

Subaru gave up on not laughing. "Not everybody has as little tolerance for boredom as you."

"Little tolerance?" Seishiro actually managed to look horrified. "It's *Hotaru*! Compared to his prose, the phone book is positively thrilling!"

"Oh yes," Subaru said dreamily,." All those names and addresses... the *advertisings*... they guarantee sleepless nights!"

Comments

[kijin_san.insanejournal.com]

A small talk - but nice one all the same :)
I liked this conversation, imagining Seishiro giving the V-sign is pretty amusing. But I guess the guy just knows his charm.


BTW: I was going through my pictures and found one I did thinking of "36°", so what the hell, I can share :)
http://s257.photobucket.com/albums/hh201/kijin-san/?action=view¤t=S6305197.jpg
It is a Chinese coin from 1867.

[akk.insanejournal.com]

Cool. The coin looks a bit like the tasseled amulet the Seishiro-look-alike in Legend of Chung Yiang had as ID for his job...

I'm still kind of sad that the caterpillars had to go. Ah well. :)

[kijin_san.insanejournal.com]

I imagined it a bit like that, but also I had the feeling (no time for research - sorry) that in the last chapter of "36°" was something sounding exactly like the description of this coin.

With the deleting it is always You vs You. (I am the worst person to give advice about that) :)

[akk.insanejournal.com]

"in the last chapter of "36°" was something sounding exactly like the description of this coin."

Well, it certainly holds most of the magical symbols I used for my version of the final battle (and the invoking of the Dao), save the Decagram, which gave the story verse its name. :)

[lexi1690.insanejournal.com]

*giggles* Thanks for posting this rather than letting it vanish into the ether. It's very cute!

[akk.insanejournal.com]

:)

I'll go through my "scene dump" after I finished the story. Maybe there'll be an "Outtakes of 36° & FM" sometime.

[lexi1690.insanejournal.com]

That sounds great! I'd love to read them.

[akk.insanejournal.com]

:)

Either that or "Outtakes we'd like to see" - like the movie making goof-ups shown in some of the funnier action movies.

[primera.insanejournal.com]

Haha! Very funny, though I do see what you mean about how it doesn't quite fit into the mood that's accumulated through the course of the story. FM has always been dark with touches of humor, you strike just the right balance. I hope you decide to share the 'outtakes'!

[akk.insanejournal.com]

"you strike just the right balance"

Thank you. Unfortunately, if it means deleting old scenes you are fond of, it makes writing slower, because once the beloved old stuff is gone you have to get to like the new text before you can write on. Chapter 17 has been frustrating in that regard.

[thenakedcat.insanejournal.com]

Cute scene, although I can see why it wouldn't fit into the story anymore. Not only has the tone gotten darker since the end of the first story but the pace has increased as well. They have only a couple of days to get things rearranged.

[akk.insanejournal.com]

The dark tone killed the scene.

While they have only a few days to rearrange things, I still have two chapters (17&18) and the Interregnum between them to tell things. ;)

In the end I posted the scene out of context, because there's no spot in FM left where it would fit - and the situation wouldn't work in a later fic - though the topic of the caterpillar spell might come up at some point, who knows. :)

[rose_erato.insanejournal.com]

I'm really happy that you shared this deleted scene. I'm having such a great time reading your fics and this one was just so much fun to read!

[akk.insanejournal.com]

Sorry for the late reply & thank you for the praise.
I'm happy you enjoy reading my works. :)

[sabriel75.insanejournal.com]

Adorable banter... but yes, can see where it might throw off the mood of intensity but then again filler is meant to be humorous ;)

God, but I have a low tolerance for boredom. Subaru's dreamy musings on the phone book cracks me up!

[akk.insanejournal.com]

I'm happy you liked it.
Today's editing actually erased also the scene meant to hold it, so it no longer hurts that it's gone. The chapter was already to dark, fierce and fast for "Hotaru's caterpillars", when I deleted it, but by now it would look like Ronald McDonald in Batman Begins. ;)