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This is a crack-scene that was once written for within Family Matters (after chapter 12 but before chapter 14). Since it wouldn't work at another time, and doesn't fit as a side-story, here it is...
...unbetaed, unedited, just for the lulz.
Main Story: Family Matters [https://archiveofourown.org/works/688109/chapters/1263312]
Outtake: Fishwives
Fandom: Tokyo Babylon, X/1999
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Scheduling Subaru-san's jobs has become complicated.
The sound of the entrance door closing, the rustle of a coat being hung up, followed by faint steps up the stairs, and Seishiro sauntered into the kitchen. "Hello Subaru-kun," he crossed over to the counter, pouring himself a coffee as if not the whole kitchen table was covered in Sumeragi case files, as if not the second kitchen chair was occupied by a messenger of Subaru's grandmother; a clearly displeased messenger, Subaru noted, not really surprised. Cousin Orito was a worse liar than he.
"Subaru-sama, these are internal clan matters. It would really be better if he left."
"You want me to leave my own house?" Seishiro pulled the stool from the kitchen counter over and sat at the front end of the table, sipping from a large, psychedelically colored coffee mug. "I don't think so."
"Seishiro-san, this is Orito-san. He comes from my grandmother."
"I figured as much." Seishiro didn't grand the visitor as much as a nod.
"Did your case went well?" Subaru asked.
"Yes."
"So he's dead?" A straight question in a flat voice. Orito in front of him winced.
"Only if he walked in front of a bus." Seishiro shrugged. "He may be spiritually gifted; he may be of a different opinion than the government in certain... aspects, but a threat to the state? Only if he invades North Korea and takes Kim's throne." He grinned. "I'm going to take that risk."
"Good. May I have a coffee, too?" Subaru pointed at his empty cup. Seishiro reached over and poured it.
"Subaru-sama, please, the cases..."
Subaru frowned at Orito's interruption.
"Looks like a lot of work," Seishiro commented, sipping from his mug again.
"The work of the Sumeragi is hardly of your concern, Sakurazukamori." Orito blistered. "Sumeragi-dono informed me th--"
Seishiro eyed him incredulously. "Keep that tone in my house and my work will be your concern." He scanned the files on the table again. "How many are that? Six?"
"Eight." Subaru admitted.
"To be done until when?"
"Subaru-sama, I really recommend--" Orito began.
Subaru ignored him. "Wednesday."
"Next week?"
"Tomorrow."
"Forget it."
"I am bound by my duty to the family. I have to--"
"Eight on one day? I don't think so. One."
"Those people--"
"--shouldn't have offended their problems to begin with!"
"It is my obligation to--"
"One."
"Impossible!" Subaru leaned forward, running his hand over the documents, finally pulling a pale yellow folder from the troubled stack. "I think I can postpone the one about the knitting grandmother in Shibuya."
"Subaru-san, your duty--"
"You stay out of it." Seishiro told Orito, and to Subaru: "Just how many members does your clan have? A hundred? More?"
"Two-hundred-and-forty-seven." Subaru answered. "Excluding distant relatives."
"And you're the only one with the gift?"
"Of course not."
"Then why don't you get them to work?"
"Kagimaru can take the one in Shibuya, and Tono the children in Kamitakada. Everything else would be irresponsible. They aren't as strong as I and as clan head I'm responsible--"
"--not to work yourself to death!" Seishiro snapped, and Orito found himself suddenly in the unwelcome center of attention. "Is there a deadline?"
"No, but--"
"Then why do you want him to do all at once?!"
Orito winced. "The ministry--"
"--consists of a bunch of people parking their backsides in chairs a number too large for them!" He turned back for Subaru. "Do them over the week."
"But the cases are to be addressed immediately!" Subaru protested.
"Immediately for the government means a legislative period!" Seishiro snorted. "Two at most. And we have dinner together!"
"I can't possibly come home in between. And five--"
"Three. We meet at the restaurant!" Seishiro stood. "And he'll be--" he nodded at Orito. "--footing the bill."
"Deal."
"What are you up to?" Subaru asked him after the door closed behind Orito and Seishiro immediately reached for the yellow pages.
"Finding the most expensive restaurant of course. Somebody else is paying for dinner."
~:~:~:~:~
The next day in Kyoto.
"Why did you think I told you not to talk to him when that man is present?" Grandmother Sumeragi sighed.
"But they were bargaining like fishwives!" Orito shuddered. "And Subaru-sama--"
"How many?" Grandmother asked calmly.
"W--what?"
"How many of the jobs will be done per day?"
Orito colored. "Three," he admitted. "And..."
"And?"
"And we're to settle the restaurant bill for dinner."
Another sigh. "Subaru-san's getting better at it, it seems."
"But--"
"Orito-kun, he talked me down to one."
...unbetaed, unedited, just for the lulz.
Main Story: Family Matters [https://archiveofourown.org/works/688109/chapters/1263312]
Outtake: Fishwives
Fandom: Tokyo Babylon, X/1999
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Scheduling Subaru-san's jobs has become complicated.
The sound of the entrance door closing, the rustle of a coat being hung up, followed by faint steps up the stairs, and Seishiro sauntered into the kitchen. "Hello Subaru-kun," he crossed over to the counter, pouring himself a coffee as if not the whole kitchen table was covered in Sumeragi case files, as if not the second kitchen chair was occupied by a messenger of Subaru's grandmother; a clearly displeased messenger, Subaru noted, not really surprised. Cousin Orito was a worse liar than he.
"Subaru-sama, these are internal clan matters. It would really be better if he left."
"You want me to leave my own house?" Seishiro pulled the stool from the kitchen counter over and sat at the front end of the table, sipping from a large, psychedelically colored coffee mug. "I don't think so."
"Seishiro-san, this is Orito-san. He comes from my grandmother."
"I figured as much." Seishiro didn't grand the visitor as much as a nod.
"Did your case went well?" Subaru asked.
"Yes."
"So he's dead?" A straight question in a flat voice. Orito in front of him winced.
"Only if he walked in front of a bus." Seishiro shrugged. "He may be spiritually gifted; he may be of a different opinion than the government in certain... aspects, but a threat to the state? Only if he invades North Korea and takes Kim's throne." He grinned. "I'm going to take that risk."
"Good. May I have a coffee, too?" Subaru pointed at his empty cup. Seishiro reached over and poured it.
"Subaru-sama, please, the cases..."
Subaru frowned at Orito's interruption.
"Looks like a lot of work," Seishiro commented, sipping from his mug again.
"The work of the Sumeragi is hardly of your concern, Sakurazukamori." Orito blistered. "Sumeragi-dono informed me th--"
Seishiro eyed him incredulously. "Keep that tone in my house and my work will be your concern." He scanned the files on the table again. "How many are that? Six?"
"Eight." Subaru admitted.
"To be done until when?"
"Subaru-sama, I really recommend--" Orito began.
Subaru ignored him. "Wednesday."
"Next week?"
"Tomorrow."
"Forget it."
"I am bound by my duty to the family. I have to--"
"Eight on one day? I don't think so. One."
"Those people--"
"--shouldn't have offended their problems to begin with!"
"It is my obligation to--"
"One."
"Impossible!" Subaru leaned forward, running his hand over the documents, finally pulling a pale yellow folder from the troubled stack. "I think I can postpone the one about the knitting grandmother in Shibuya."
"Subaru-san, your duty--"
"You stay out of it." Seishiro told Orito, and to Subaru: "Just how many members does your clan have? A hundred? More?"
"Two-hundred-and-forty-seven." Subaru answered. "Excluding distant relatives."
"And you're the only one with the gift?"
"Of course not."
"Then why don't you get them to work?"
"Kagimaru can take the one in Shibuya, and Tono the children in Kamitakada. Everything else would be irresponsible. They aren't as strong as I and as clan head I'm responsible--"
"--not to work yourself to death!" Seishiro snapped, and Orito found himself suddenly in the unwelcome center of attention. "Is there a deadline?"
"No, but--"
"Then why do you want him to do all at once?!"
Orito winced. "The ministry--"
"--consists of a bunch of people parking their backsides in chairs a number too large for them!" He turned back for Subaru. "Do them over the week."
"But the cases are to be addressed immediately!" Subaru protested.
"Immediately for the government means a legislative period!" Seishiro snorted. "Two at most. And we have dinner together!"
"I can't possibly come home in between. And five--"
"Three. We meet at the restaurant!" Seishiro stood. "And he'll be--" he nodded at Orito. "--footing the bill."
"Deal."
"What are you up to?" Subaru asked him after the door closed behind Orito and Seishiro immediately reached for the yellow pages.
"Finding the most expensive restaurant of course. Somebody else is paying for dinner."
The next day in Kyoto.
"Why did you think I told you not to talk to him when that man is present?" Grandmother Sumeragi sighed.
"But they were bargaining like fishwives!" Orito shuddered. "And Subaru-sama--"
"How many?" Grandmother asked calmly.
"W--what?"
"How many of the jobs will be done per day?"
Orito colored. "Three," he admitted. "And..."
"And?"
"And we're to settle the restaurant bill for dinner."
Another sigh. "Subaru-san's getting better at it, it seems."
"But--"
"Orito-kun, he talked me down to one."
no subject
Date: 2019-05-10 18:32 (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2019-05-11 19:10 (UTC)From:However, the cooperation office in Business As Usual will have its own set of SumeraMori issues - starting with handbound ledger vs. computer. ;)
no subject
Date: 2019-05-12 00:32 (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2019-05-12 11:59 (UTC)From: