FM-PMS (state of the edit)

[akk]

I've spent the last ten days working on two scenes:, namely Imonoyama's call to Subaru for asking him to do the memorial service for Kotori (because the current Kannushi of her home shrine, sharing body & soul with her murderer just won't do) and Subaru sitting in the bedroom window, contemplating recent developments (namely his feeding Sado to the Sakura, the Sakura accepting his claim of Seishiro's life, Seishiro having children, an upcoming memorial service with both (!) Kamui in attendance, and a certain warning about endangering the realm and facing Sakura tea -and worse- as retaliation).
Especially the 2nd scene results in a more assertive (and more amorous) Subaru to be expressed in the upcoming Seishiro spilling the beans about the Mori scene, which will actually provide for a smooth connection from the Sakura tea threat over spilling the beans to Desk sex (and beyond) without recreating a Subaru-the-worrywart-effect, while forming a smooth plot flow without leaving certain scenes as nothing but blatant authorfan service. *g*

I know this is slow work. Slowest work. Probably real snail mail-worthy (see here for what I mean with real snail mail ^_^), but I believe it is worth the effort. The result is a lot more like the story I had in mind when constructing not only Family Matters, but the Dekagram as a whole.

Unrelated side-note: I got librarian status at Goodreads! You can find me there at http://www.goodreads.com/akk666akk

Comments

[shirogiku]

Snail mail :D

Memorial service for Kotori is a great addition, looking forward to to it)))

However, Subaru has his own dead sister and I felt that the plot thread about Hokuto's "missing" spirit was left a bit in the air.
It was explained what kind of spell she cast, but not what it did ultimately to her spirit.

In one of the flashbacks Subaru looked for her and Sakura-san interferred (I assume - because there were black branches and all), but in present he never tried to negotiate it with Sakura-san.

I don't know if you left it for BAU or decided not to adress the issue any further, but neither is it clear that Subaru couldn't do anything else for his twin.

It felt like he forgot about her. I don't mean that he should angst about it on every page, but not thinking about Hokuto at all is also strange.

Of course, it's all a big imho.

[akk]

My posts are centered around the main points I worked on, not on every detail to be addressed. As I said in an earlier post, the old version has an embarrassing number of continuity issues from chapter 18 onward and Subaru's lack of reaction to the new information about Hokuto's death is one of them that will be addressed.
However, given Subaru's experience with "Sakura tea" and in the beginning of 36°, he's smart enough not to offer himself on a silver platter, but after Sado's exorcism, Seishiro will have to answer some. But Hokuto's death is an old grief and therefore that may wait until the immediate issues - esp. the Mori meeting - have taken place and Subaru calmed down from the overdrive somewhat. Between him getting new information and that meeting is less than a day after all (even if its two long chapters in the story). Basically, everything starting with Romiro's assault on Seishiro happened in one big rush with little to no time for them to breathe.

Regarding BAU: Hokuto's death is one of the issues to stay with them as a "problem focal point", so to speak, and I'm not even sure it can be truly resolved. It's one of these background things in a relationship that will always be a sore spot of sorts.