akk: AKK - Schriftzug aus Blitzen (Default)
akk ([personal profile] akk) wrote2012-08-12 01:51 pm
Entry tags:

FM-PMS (state of the edit)

I'm still struggling with the memorial service. While I loved Seishiro's acid commentary, it made the scene too long to fit with the speed of events. In addition, the change in mood once the un-presence of Mono Fuma is discovered, didn't work well. So I reworked it (again), tightened it (some more), and have to come up with a sharper service description (because if I as the author am beginning to get bored reading it, the Twin Star would kill the priest for the in between LULZ for sure).
I know it feels like stand-still at the moment, but each time, more of the text is deemed "acceptable" and "for the keep". I hope the following bits will go a lot faster than this one.

In the meantime, let's fuss about
  • a lethal ornament by Heckler and Koch, artfully concealed under a suitjacket

  • the metallic snap of a fan opening

  • and green teashades that had seen Shibuya fall, while they talked about choc chips icecream.